Mom’ish

I’m not even sure anymore what, indeed, is a ‘traditional mother’. I’ve spent a great deal of time thinking I was too untraditional as a parent of two. School letters lay in a towering pile, unopened, until dust made itself comfortable. Sage wisdom and encouraging words came to me always too late for the needed circumstance; sarcasm and humor usually in its stead. Things I was supposed to discipline seemed immaterial while insignificant things loomed too large in my haphazard disciplinary arsenal. ⠀

“You wouldn’t know how to ground me anymore than I would know how to be grounded.” – a line from the movie ‘Easy A’ and one that my daughter pointed out as all-too-accurate for our relationship.

The older I get, however, the more *typical* I am finding those things to be within the brave community of motherhood. I’ve commiserated with other mamas who also felt the things they did – and didn’t do – seemed out of the realms of ‘norm’. I think untraditional is much more traditional than we know. ⠀

My mother was a 7th grade English teacher. She conjugated verbs and added ‘ly’ in all the appropriate places. A bit of her grammar-nazi thinking was eventually passed down to me as well. For that reason, this book title screamed out to me and within 5 minutes it was in my Amazon cart and soon after, on its way to my door. An early Mother’s Day present from me to me. I’ll circle the many recognized lines within its covers and add it to My Funeral file on my computer. (A desktop icon because they’ll never go digging any deeper than that.) ⠀

Don’t use funeral flower gladiolus unless you buy them from Trader Joe’s. Eliminate all cliches from your heartfelt tribute and by all means, if you use a cutesy, curvy font for my birth-death dates I will haunt you and your unborn children for eternity.

Mothers with a loose grip on your mothering style, do yourself a favor and grab this book. ⠀

There’s plenty of room in the margins for copious notes for your offspring…

Lessons from the Pretty Polka Dot Pink

The Polka Dot Plant. (Hypoestes phyllostachya)

As a general rule, I always suggest people do a quick google search about a plant before they buy it. That way you will know whether or not you can supply what the plant needs: proper lighting, space, etc. But of course occaaaaaaasionally, you just see a plant in the store and want to grab it and bring it home.

Such is the case with this hypoestes. I mean – you had me at pink, right?

After buying it, bringing it home, planting it…I then sat down to add it to my journal of plants that I own. I keep a journal of one-page notes on what each plant prefers for lighting, watering schedule, quirks and even historical data where interesting. I later add notes as a ‘best practices’ for what the plant didn’t like and how (or if) I remedied it.

So it wasn’t until everything was all said and done with this pretty pink plant that I read that one of the downfalls of the hypoestes is their short-lived life. (ugh! head thump!) After a polka dot plant flowers, it will go dormant and then die.

WHYYYYYYYYY?! Why did I bring home a plant with a short shelf life (one or two years max) just to fall in love with it and then have to let it go?!

Just my luck, I moaned, reading the snippet aloud to my husband – complete with a heavy sigh and dramatically rolled eyes!

However…if there’s one thing I have said repeatedly: Plants teach me things. I immediately felt myself detaching from this plant (‘Oh you’re not getting ME to love you! I know you’ll break my heart quicker than others!’) until my meditation practice gave me the old shoulder tap.

Isn’t the whole goal of a meditative practice to live in the now?! Aren’t we to let go of the past and realize we cannot control the future but we can focus, instead, on the here and now?? It seems like such a kitschy comparison but for some reason, it really settled into my thoughts. I’ve spent a few days living with this concept.

You see, I’m someone who finds a writing pen she likes and then buys a whole packet of them on Amazon for fear I’ll run out of the original one I bought and they’ll either be out of stock or – gasp! – no longer making them. I find a pair of jeans that fit perfectly and immediately go back to the store to buy two more. I like to know I have back-up. If you study the enneagram, I am a 5. Fives are constantly balancing their resources. Whether it’s the resource of time or sleep or favored Post-it notes. So a plant with brevity initially made me very uncomfortable.

Until I was reminded in the most circuitous of ways that I simply cannot guarantee any level of ‘resource reserve’ in life.

I breathe in for 6 counts. Hold my breath for 4 counts. Breathe out loudly for 6 counts. I feel the rise and fall of my stomach as breath fills my lungs, then rushes its way out of my mouth. Repeat.

Disappointments are inevitable. Excitement and expectations run furiously through our lives. Our hope is not just in the future. Hope can be found throughout our daily lives. The everyday-ness of living. We take advantage of things we love in the hopes that they will always be available to us. The thought of losing them is paralyzing. But we must bring our minds back to the joys right in front of us. They are plentiful and they are worthy of our appreciation.

I must empty my lungs in order to draw my next breath.

The depletion of one thing allows the new situation to emerge.

Life is a cyclical process. Be it a polka dot pink, an ancient Parisian cathedral, or a mom trying to get the PB&J made fast enough before her crew heads out the door.

Rest in resources unseen. There is Someone refilling our reserves daily, if only we’d stop to notice.

It’s a girl!

(I think.)

I’ve been watching the growth and birth of this ruffled-leaf Philodendron Selloum (Philodendron bipinnatifidum) leaf since I first saw its tiny presence on March 17. It took 22 days from my first video to my last time-lapsed video this evening.

Baby and Mama are doing fine. She’s registered at Bergdorf Goodman…

Now it’s time to fully open up and enjoy her new grand duchess life. I’m so proud!!!

Fun side note: I set up my iPhone on a pile of books I had nearby. It took a couple of hours to record the final progression out of her protective sheath. About halfway in I looked closer at the pile of books and realized (with the exception of a few good men) it was a bunch of strong-hearted women who were helping in this birthing process. Something they were fully used to doing – birthing and nurturing and working together to get the job done. Go, girls, go!!

It won’t take long now for her to look as strong and dark green as her playmates. Sometimes nature is just SO cool…

a rainy afternoon

I would love for the following pictures to look as if it was a reading and plant-playing kind of day, but in reality – it was a little nuts.

Our VERY indoor-only cat decided a group of young squirrels was just too much for her to tolerate, and dashed outside as I opened the door to go repot a new plant I’d just bought. She never shows any interest in going outside so we rarely pay much attention to our comings and goings. But today – she was feeling all sorts of courageous and out she went. Long story, short – she eventually made her way back home, cowering and dashing straight underneath the sofa.

All of this while my husband was at the dentist’s office getting a root canal. So you know – just a typical nutso day in the life. Just like everyone has. (Lesson: don’t be fooled by the pictures!)

I did eventually land in this chair for some female spy reading. So that’s always a good way to end a day!

Meanwhile, here are a few new plants to play nicely with the books. This Maranta leuconeura (prayer plant) is finding a nice spot in the afternoon sun in my reading corner. She seems to be a bit of a slacker, however, because she doesn’t do a lot of praying. Or at least unlike other prayer plant varieties I have had – she doesn’t close up as much as they did in the evenings.

That’s okay. I like having a bit of a rebel around.

One thing I’ve learned about prayer plants is that they are very picky about their water (a trait they share with their owner!) The fluoride in tap water can turn their leaf tips brown. I have a process now where I fill up some jugs of water a day or two ahead of my usual watering schedule to let it air out for a number of hours. A lot of the additives they put into tap water will evaporate out before I water my plants. It’s an extra step – but those beautiful leaves are well worth it!

I worried I’d lost my purple oxalis (shamrock plant) during our move to California. It was doing so well, then it started ‘dying back’ after we moved here. I tried her in a few different light situations, but nothing seemed to help. (Not even my ‘This is Your Last Chance’ speech I gave her.)

But about a month ago she started putting out new sprouts and is continuing to do so. She’s on the rebound from her dormant stage – something they go through every couple of years. She’s a good lesson on not giving up on people. (or plants!)

And how about this cutie?! She is a Sweetheart Valentine Waxplant (a Hoya kerri). I bought her online and hope she grows long and proud. I can’t wait to see where she first sprouts her next ‘heart’ leaf! I think she’ll also make a dramatic ‘before and after’ picture eventually. Send me all the hearts, I say!

And another cute little succulent I just couldn’t refuse. Worse than ‘that doggy in the window’ – all a succulent has to do is look plump and green and oh-so-tiny and I’m a sucker at their mercy.

I posted this new Pilea glauca the other day on my Instagram account. Her leaves are so delicate. Look cross-eyed at her and she’ll just start dropping leaves. But she’s thick and leggy and ready to do some major spilling this summer!

A Rubber Tree (Ficus elastica) and a ruffled leaf Philodendron selloum – always holding up the veteran army of houseplants around here.

What new plants or flowers have you acquired this spring? They make beautiful decor accents – but in reality, are living, breathing things – surrounding us with all the love and oxygen they can put out. Just the kind of roommates I enjoy. And never – not even once – have they tried to dash outside when I open up the door!

Calla Lily Ledbetter

I am probably crazy in the head, but I picked up a calla lily yesterday that called out to me from the plant aisle. I’ve never grown one before.

“Try meeeee”, it said.

So I gathered it up – along with a bunch of clearance plants that I couldn’t let just sit there, unadopted and lonely. I think I’ll name her Ledbetter. This is an equal opportunity plant-loving household, after all.

I’m in the process of repotting them all. Giving them fresh new soil (many were SOAKED) and lots of new home loving.

Dirt under my fingernails? Yes, please!

Happy Presidents’ Day to you! I hope you have the day off and are either enjoying a good white sale splurge and/or are blissfully unaware of Presidents’ Day politics or workplace drama.

To calla lily beauty and federal days off.