Mom’ish

I’m not even sure anymore what, indeed, is a ‘traditional mother’. I’ve spent a great deal of time thinking I was too untraditional as a parent of two. School letters lay in a towering pile, unopened, until dust made itself comfortable. Sage wisdom and encouraging words came to me always too late for the needed circumstance; sarcasm and humor usually in its stead. Things I was supposed to discipline seemed immaterial while insignificant things loomed too large in my haphazard disciplinary arsenal. ⠀

“You wouldn’t know how to ground me anymore than I would know how to be grounded.” – a line from the movie ‘Easy A’ and one that my daughter pointed out as all-too-accurate for our relationship.

The older I get, however, the more *typical* I am finding those things to be within the brave community of motherhood. I’ve commiserated with other mamas who also felt the things they did – and didn’t do – seemed out of the realms of ‘norm’. I think untraditional is much more traditional than we know. ⠀

My mother was a 7th grade English teacher. She conjugated verbs and added ‘ly’ in all the appropriate places. A bit of her grammar-nazi thinking was eventually passed down to me as well. For that reason, this book title screamed out to me and within 5 minutes it was in my Amazon cart and soon after, on its way to my door. An early Mother’s Day present from me to me. I’ll circle the many recognized lines within its covers and add it to My Funeral file on my computer. (A desktop icon because they’ll never go digging any deeper than that.) ⠀

Don’t use funeral flower gladiolus unless you buy them from Trader Joe’s. Eliminate all cliches from your heartfelt tribute and by all means, if you use a cutesy, curvy font for my birth-death dates I will haunt you and your unborn children for eternity.

Mothers with a loose grip on your mothering style, do yourself a favor and grab this book. ⠀

There’s plenty of room in the margins for copious notes for your offspring…

January reads…

I had a lot of fun in 2018 – the Year of Reading. I read a variety of genres and soared through books each month.

But this year – I’m taking it easy. I’m simply reading when I have an opening for it. People who read 200 books a year… I don’t know how they do it. It really boils down to the fact that when I’m reading, I’m NOT doing other things I also enjoy in my spare time. So 2019 will be a much more relaxed reading year.

That said, I was able to read three books in January:

I have talked about Becoming, an intriguing behind-the-scenes look at Michelle’s early life as well as the progress toward and during the White House.

I have not talked about Reese Witherspoon’s book. I don’t want to spend a lot of time on it but my overall impression was that it was a bit of a ‘throw away’ book. I was raised by a strong Southern woman so the subject was not foreign to me. But the recipes and traditions seemed rather prosaic. The writing style was saccharine and too over-the-top. I love Reese as an actor and admire her work as a producer and an advocate for women. Writing this book might not have been her best work.

And lastly, Harry’s Trees. What a fantastic book. It hooked me quickly and kept me on the line the whole way through. What a beautiful celebration of books and nature and great love.

To every story we bring the story of ourselves.

This book celebrated the freedom of forgiveness. The adventure of reading. The beauty of nature. The cost of holding on to self-perpetuated ‘truths’. The ripples of redemption. And as with every good story, it contained an enchanting touch of magic.

Get a book. Reading solves most things or at least assuages the heart.

I would highly recommend Harry’s Trees.

What did you read in January? Do you have a pile of books to read in February or are you letting them come to you as they will? I’m currently reading A Gentleman in Moscow and am really enjoying the storyline. I mean…how many great stories have happened within the confines of a grand hotel?!

I am forever grateful for the sheer enjoyment of being transported by books. My admiration for writers knows no bounds.

 

BECOMING by Michelle Obama

“No matter your political beliefs…” is a phrase I have come to loathe. It invariably is followed by a veiled political view.

That said, politics can be pushed aside when reading Michelle Obama’s book, Becoming.

The book gives a strong foundation from Michelle’s childhood to the breadth of work she did before ever entering the political spotlight. She and Barack were truly people who came from hard-working families and rose to the highest seat in our country.

But Michelle also dished. She seemed to understand that people want to know what it’s like to have a husband largely absent from family life. What was it like to campaign and hear all the negative things said about your husband?! How did she balance travel and kids and the transition to – and then from – the White House? She describes some of the things found in a presidential motorcade which was TOTALLY interesting to me! Things like, oh, a canon in the car! Or the blood type of the sitting president which travels with him should he ever need a blood transfusion. Whaaaa?!

I listened to this book via Audible. Michelle Obama reads it herself (which was like having her sitting in my living room telling me stories.)

I borrowed the first picture in this post from @becauseofthem because this scenario is what I imagined so often throughout the book. I would get teary-eyed and proud of America but then I would think, ‘What must it be like as a black child seeing their face for the first time in the White House?!’ It made me tear up every time I’d think about the historical moment that we witnessed as Americans together.

Easily a 5 out of 5 stars for this memoir. Michelle doesn’t disappoint when it comes to feelings and struggles she dealt with in the rise of and the creation of a spouse becoming a president and a wife becoming a First Lady.

Very interesting. Highly recommend. ……no matter your political beliefs.

A FINE ROMANCE by Candice Bergen

The original Murphy Brown TV show came out when I was in the throws of motherhood. I loved watching her show (from an old thing called a VCR -ha!) The writing was funny and her persona helped me feel more secure in womanhood. All things were possible.

My mistake, however, was subconsciously assuming Murphy Brown was, in fact, Candice Bergen. Bergen always plays such strong, independent, female roles. I loved her role in the tv show, Boston Legal. Again, unflappable.

So it was particularly interesting to read her memoir, A Fine Romance. Many of my misconceptions of her changed. (sidenote: not for the good or bad. Just different.)

Candice walks her readers through her early career, her marriage to French director, Louis Malle and their daughter, Chloe. A peek inside Candice Bergen as a mother and wife was a complete thrill. She is warm and gracious and her love for their daughter was – to be honest – convicting. She was a truly incredible mother.

Bergen spends time on the Murphy Brown period – which I particularly enjoyed. And talked of her now husband, Marshall Rose. I enjoyed reading about the struggle she went through while adjusting to another person in her life. She was honest and open about things many of us can relate to.

The biggest thing I enjoyed was her honesty about aging. It is tough, this getting older crap. I laughed many times through this part of her story. Oh Candice, I can relate.

Thank God for my friends. Mothers in their 50’s – running to beefy now, the traditional thickening through the middle. We clumpt together in our middle-age camouflage – black pants, long sleeves, more make-up than in years past – compensating with wit, attention, intelligence, experience. Bringing to bear, not the extra 15, 20 pounds we all seemed to be packing, but our confidence in who we were. The sizeable weight and force of our personalities.

I was initially interested to read this memoir about a woman who shaped many of my generation’s views on womanhood. I was pleasantly surprised to find a woman who is all I expected – independent and strong – yet so many other layers of depth were revealed. She is a wonderfully loving woman who seems to have the gift of giving small tokens of love to those she holds dear. She was always, always, always gracious to the subjects she was writing about. This book was written in 2016 and included a line that made me chuckle: “If Sarah Palin had run for president, we would have brought Murphy Brown back on the air.” I guess Donald Trump had as much material to work with as Sarah Palin did!

Cultured, loyal, well-traveled and fluent in French. An affectionate mother and friend. An ever-evolving and relevant woman even now. A thoroughly enjoyable read.

4.5 out of 5 stars

EDUCATED by Tara Westover

S U M M A R Y   +   P E R S O N A L   T H O U G H T S :

I casually started reading this book but it quickly took over my life, completely captivating me. 

I am an easy fan of memoirs. I love a good story. Hearing how other people have lived is a reminder to me that we are all so very different – and in many ways, very much the same.

Tara was the youngest of six siblings, born to survivalist parents on a mountainside in Idaho. Her father was a fundamentalist Mormon who lived in fear that the ‘Feds’ were going to come surround their home in gunfire. He instilled a disturbing amount of fear into each of his children. Westover’s mother was an herbalist healer that concocted tinctures in the kitchen of their home (and sold them as an alternative to Obamacare.) The father didn’t want to register anything with the government so none of the children went to school or had birth certificates until much later in life. Their cars weren’t registered or insured for fear of having documentation filed with The Government. Tara explains many horrific accidents when her father refused to take any of them to the hospital, believing God would heal them with the help of their mother. They buried rifles around their property and had years and years of food supply in their basement should they need to survive inside their home for an extended amount of time. Should they have to run, each child had a Run For The Hills backpack at the ready.

The mind manipulation in this book is profound. As a reader I found myself wanting to reach inside the book and grab the shoulders of so many of the Westover family members: ‘Can’t you see what’s happening?! How can you believe what you’re being told?!’

Eventually Tara stepped out of that world in order to attend college. She studied to take the ACT test and was admitted to Brigham-Young University which eventually led to fellowships at Cambridge University and Harvard. She stepped into a world previously unknown to her…

The tables were set with more knives, forks and goblets than I’d ever seen; the paintings on the wall seemed ghostly in the candlelight. I felt exposed by the elegance and yet somehow made invisible by it.

Her educational journey was stunning. In one of her first classes in college she asked a question about a word she didn’t know. The teacher and her fellow students shunned her disapprovingly believing she was making an insensitive joke. After later looking up the word in the library she couldn’t stop reading about the ‘holocaust’ – an event she knew nothing about.

Admittedly, the extremes in this book made me question their validity at times. Many experiences seem so completely out of the ‘norm’ that it was difficult to believe people actually live this way. It’s not a story about decades ago but a story that has played out in the past few years. As with any memoir, this is primarily a one-sided story. I am certain Tara’s parents and siblings would have their own story that would most likely greatly differ from hers.

I finished the book within just a few days. The characters lived with me the entire time. I thought about them as if they were people I actually knew, Tara’s writing so deeply entrenched them in my life. I highly recommend this book. It is a wonderful reminder that we each live within a reality that might be different than those around us. It is not until we learn about others’ lives that we are able to more fully understand and empathize with our fellow humans. We all need a greater education.

M Y  R A T I N G : 4.5/5

A U T H O R : Tara Westover

P U B L I C A T I O N  D A T E : February 2018

P U B L I S H E R : Penguin Random House

PLENTY LADYLIKE by Claire McCaskill

S U M M A R Y   +   P E R S O N A L   T H O U G H T S :

One of my favorite apps on my phone is the Hoopla app through the Kansas City Public Library. At any given time I am usually reading one physical book and listening to one audio book through either Audible or Hoopla. I just finished a book that I have listened to in the car, while working around our home or at any open opportunity where I can multi-task by listening while also doing something mundane with my hands. I was a late comer to audio books, but I’ve become a big fan of them for some genres – memoirs being my favorite audio book.

Claire McCaskill is a state senator for Missouri. aka: a home girl. Her influence in the Senate has been one of strength as a moderate voice. In particular she has worked hard to eliminate earmarks and financial waste spending due to her previous role as state auditor.

Admittedly, this was particularly interesting to someone from Claire’s homestate of Missouri. She spent a significant amount of time in Kansas City, so it was fun to read of places she mentioned and to know exactly where she was talking about. But overall, it was thrilling to read of the rise and success of a woman. I like to refer to myself as a feminist who also enjoys letting her husband put the gas in her car. That’s to say that I believe there is a balance between feminism and femininity – of which we should not need to apologize for either. So the title ‘Plenty Ladylike’ piqued my interest. I do not believe men and women are ‘equal’ in the most crude definition of the word. But I strongly believe the combination of men and women on any project makes for the most successful and well-rounded outcome.

You can’t use your clout to change the things you’re passionate about unless you have the clout.

In other words, there is no need to feel apologetic about rising to a powerful position when you are working for a greater voice to accomplish the things for which you feel a strong pull. This is how things get done. Whether it’s a local election, a local school position or a community committee – position yourself to do the most good and have the most effective voice for your cause.

I enjoyed reading about the relationship between the female members of the Senate. They regularly meet for dinner – no press or staff allowed. Just a safe place to discuss the unique position they find themselves in: as mothers, wives, senators and all the competing forces that surround those roles. Periodically, the female Supreme Court justices also meet with them. Oh to be a fly on the wall…

While women in high offices is becoming more and more acceptable, and blatant gender bias aren’t as prevalent, there are still passively used phrases that are unique to women in the political arena. McCaskill has been accused from male opponents as not being ladylike enough or that her actions were unbecoming of a woman. While less abrasive than the time in her early political career when a male legislator asked her if she brought her knee pads (?!!!?), these passive phrases are still a way to keep a woman in her place.

Other obstacles women are in the unique position to combat: what their hair looks like, whether they have bags under their eyes or how well their clothes fit. Claire talked of a female colleague who the press pointed out she had worn the same dress in the same month. (Yes, there were times when I also shrieked out-loud in my car at the craziness of our society!Would we even know if a man had re-worn a navy suit twice in one month?! ugh.

McCaskill wrapped up her book with a somewhat new challenge to women, an area where women have not been historically known to participate in. McCaskill wrote of the bargains and security nets women build for themselves and for their future. However, women also need to look at the ways in which we invest in our future by donating our money to charities and political campaigns. This is also a way in which we can make our voices known about the areas in which our souls are stirred and our compassion is awoken.

The term ‘ladylike’ is not a label we need to shirk off or eliminate, but rather to redefine. Standing strong in adversity, being brave enough to speak against a wrong way of thinking, and maintaining the core of who we are (be it in 2″ heels or manure-laden boots) – THAT is what it’s like to be a lady.

I recommend this book to all persons interested in the political trajectory of any candidate – the local elections that lead to national elections, with a few failures and mistakes along the way. In particular, I recommend this book to my local Missourians as they will find even more tidbits of interest throughout the book.

I’ve never met a political candidate I agree with 100%. Such is the case with Claire McCaskill. But I am proud she is representing Missouri and our moderate political ideals. As with McCaskill, Missourians are often more willing to cross party lines when it means coming to an equitable solution.

M Y  R A T I N G : 4.5/5

A U T H O R : Claire McCaskill

P U B L I C A T I O N  D A T E : August 2016

P U B L I S H E R : Simon & Schuster