Mom’ish

I’m not even sure anymore what, indeed, is a ‘traditional mother’. I’ve spent a great deal of time thinking I was too untraditional as a parent of two. School letters lay in a towering pile, unopened, until dust made itself comfortable. Sage wisdom and encouraging words came to me always too late for the needed circumstance; sarcasm and humor usually in its stead. Things I was supposed to discipline seemed immaterial while insignificant things loomed too large in my haphazard disciplinary arsenal. ⠀

“You wouldn’t know how to ground me anymore than I would know how to be grounded.” – a line from the movie ‘Easy A’ and one that my daughter pointed out as all-too-accurate for our relationship.

The older I get, however, the more *typical* I am finding those things to be within the brave community of motherhood. I’ve commiserated with other mamas who also felt the things they did – and didn’t do – seemed out of the realms of ‘norm’. I think untraditional is much more traditional than we know. ⠀

My mother was a 7th grade English teacher. She conjugated verbs and added ‘ly’ in all the appropriate places. A bit of her grammar-nazi thinking was eventually passed down to me as well. For that reason, this book title screamed out to me and within 5 minutes it was in my Amazon cart and soon after, on its way to my door. An early Mother’s Day present from me to me. I’ll circle the many recognized lines within its covers and add it to My Funeral file on my computer. (A desktop icon because they’ll never go digging any deeper than that.) ⠀

Don’t use funeral flower gladiolus unless you buy them from Trader Joe’s. Eliminate all cliches from your heartfelt tribute and by all means, if you use a cutesy, curvy font for my birth-death dates I will haunt you and your unborn children for eternity.

Mothers with a loose grip on your mothering style, do yourself a favor and grab this book. ⠀

There’s plenty of room in the margins for copious notes for your offspring…

PLACEMAKER by Christie Purifoy

I am currently reading this beautiful book by Christie Purifoy, Placemaker: Cultivating Places of Comfort, Beauty and Peace. The book releases in mid-March 2019 and will be a soothing balm for our overly-stressed, multi-tasking souls.

Placemakers is for the home lover. The outdoor admirer. The family gatherer. The story collector. For the past decade I have felt very strongly that one of my biggest roles in life is to create a welcoming home. My regret? That I didn’t embrace this role stronger when my children were young. Perhaps that is a natural occurrence for many of you as well. When your babies are young, there is so much clutter and lack of sleep. As they mature, there seems to be nothing but running and doing. Concerts and sports events. Home tends to be a quick landing spot between the lines of your to do list.

But the older I get, the more I realize the respite that is home. It has been my passion to create a soothing and calm place for Scott to land after a 12-hour day at work. Even in writing that line I am aware of how genteel and old-fashioned it sounds. Perhaps even egotistical. I balk at the pollyanna nature of it, but I know in my heart that it is the mission I have been given. Does this sound anti-feminist? I certainly hope not as I stand here a proud feminist. We too often acquaint progressive women’s rights with doing and becoming. But the true essence of the movement is to create space where women can become anything they wish to become – which does not exclude the role of supporting and encouraging those we love. But it isn’t all done just for my family. Beauty and consistency makes my own soul feel calm and settled.

We plant seeds or saplings in neat rows. We prune limbs, and we tend the soil. We do not make the trees, but we make a place for them.

I did not have a word for the role I play until Purifoy so elegantly termed it: placemaker.

When I was first married and moving into our apartment (my first home ever away from my childhood home and college dorms), I found great pleasure in creating a homey home. I remember one of my friends came over for the first time and as she left she commented: “Your home doesn’t look like you just moved into it. It looks as if you’ve lived here for years.” I considered this a huge compliment – and still one of my favorites.

For friends and family to find a place that evokes feelings of warmth and welcome – that is my greatest joy. I am (…to a fault and the butt of many jokes…) constantly tweaking things around our home. And now, with the California weather, our backyard is merely an extension of our physical house. I am invigorated by dirt and the care of each plant and tree. I grieve when they die and I feel empowered when I can help to save them.

Making and tending good and beautiful places is not a dishonorable retreat. It is a holy pursuit. We were never meant merely to consume the gifts of creation. We were made to collaborate. We were made to participate. This book is an invitation to reconsider your own relationship to the ground beneath your feet and roof over your head.

I expected this book to be a pretty addition to our coffee table. How surprised I’ve been to find the girth of insight and encouragement I’ve found between its pages. A book that I could probably ‘whip out in a day’ has become a slow and methodical read – filled with underlined words and many pauses for reflection. And sometimes shouts of ‘YES!, that’s exactly how I feel!’

You can pre-order the book now. I strongly suggest you rush to your favorite book-selling site to grab one for yourself.

Meanwhile, I continue to read…

A GENTLEMAN IN MOSCOW, by Amor Towles

A very entertaining, albeit somewhat long-winded, novel.

I’ve seen the buzz about this book all over my instagram. I ordered it months ago from Book of the Month, but only recently sat down to give it my full attention.

SYNOPSIS:
In 1922, Count Alexander Rostov is accused of being an unrepentant aristocrat by a Bolshevik tribunal and sentenced to house arrest in the Metropol, a grand hotel across the street from the Kremlin in Moscow. He’s given a 100 square foot attic room. While his world is drastically reduced, his experiences are vastly expanded around him in this bustling, luxury hotel – located in the midst of tumultuous change in Russia.

MY SUMMARY:
While I am sorely lacking in Russian knowledge, the book kindly led me along in its color and history. While Russian history played a backdrop to the storyline, the real characters took place within the confines of the Metropol. Elegant actresses, humble seamstresses, demonstrative chefs and shy but inquisitive young children. Towles does a brilliant job of creating characters with vastly different backgrounds and personalities, but all intricately linked to our main character, Count Rostov, His Excellency. The Count is genteel and elegant – making this a soothing book to read in the midst of so much ugly politicking in our own current world. His afternoon tea, thoughtful gifts and Old World self-deference was refreshing and endearing.

As with many other storylines in literary history – Eloise, for one – the setting of an elegant hotel will never disappoint. Towles thoroughly…arguably too much at times…develops each character so that their motives and personalities are well known to his readers. There were times he might have lost me, but the storyline kept me in its clutches. And I am so thankful that it did.

Perhaps it is simply because I read it during rainy, wintery days here in California, but A Gentleman in Moscow seems like the perfect cold winter’s day relief.

Can I tell you about something kind of cool that happened to me?…

Let me first say that I’m not posting any of this for sympathy or trumped-up praise. Please know that from my heart.

There are areas in all of our lives where we feel confident and strong – and other areas in which we lack inner strength.

I’m not sure if it’s my personality or the fact that I am a person with a bent toward creativity. Whatever the case, my confidence in my ability to write is always low. I enjoy it. I get the buzz, not unlike the endorphin rush of a runner (I’m told.) People have periodically encouraged me to write. But there are soooo many really great writers in the world. And I don’t just mean famous ones. I am lucky enough to know some extremely talented wordsmiths that work other jobs and fit it in when they can. I truly respect and admire their talent.

So every time I sit down to write, I face two paths:

  1. Be overwhelmed with all the immense talent already out in the world – and sit back and hide, or
  2. Try to be brave, sit down, and write anyway. Just for the discipline of writing.

Again, I don’t mean to sound pathetic. But it is a real and immense struggle for anyone faced with creating something from nothing. And especially when it involves personal reflection.

Yesterday I wrote a book review post on this blog. I posted a condensed version of it on my Instagram. I wrote it the day before, posted it early in the morning, and then went on with my day.

A few hours later I popped back on Instagram while waiting on a load of laundry to finish drying and found a message from Jon Cohen, one of the authors I mentioned in my blog post regarding his endearing book, Harry’s Trees. In his message he pointed out a section of text I wrote:

This book celebrated the freedom of forgiveness. The adventure of reading. The beauty of nature. The cost of holding on to self-perpetuated ‘truths’. The ripples of redemption. And as with every good story, it contained an enchanting touch of magic.

He commented:

I like the cogency and rhythm of your words, particularly, in the paragraph that starts, “This book celebrated . . .”

It’s just a little line. A line that instantly brought fat tears to my eyes. (Not a usual reaction for me.) My throat clenched shut and I sunk back into myself.

I reread the line. (And in 2019 style, I did a quick screenshot of it on my phone as if it could disappear into the ethers at any given moment. Like perhaps I was imagining it.)

It wasn’t a spouse or a parent or a friend online saying it. It was a published author I respect, commenting positively on my writing. I cannot find the words at the moment to convey the significant importance I felt while reading it. I had a small, but brief, moment of feeling like Sally Fields at the Oscar’s. Or more recently, Kalen Allen’s reaction when Oprah commented on his Instagram post.

He could have said, ‘Thanks for the great review’ and I would have been impressed he even found my post and glad he commented on it. But after thanking me for the review, he took it a step further and returned a small amount of praise to me as well. It was a quick comment that left a big footprint on my squishy, self-effacing heart.

I have so much to learn about writing as well as finding the confidence enough to push ‘publish’. We are so accustomed to seeing articles and reading online posts nowadays that it is easy to dismiss the immense amount of bravery it takes for the writer to go public with their words. It can be a suffocating and stifling fear.

—–

What an amazing moment of pure, unadulterated joy. Especially because when writing, I particularly like the flow of words. I edit when a sentence seems to lack a particular rhythm and musical cadence. That’s something that’s very important to me.

And yesterday, a published writer commented specifically on that trait. 

I must tell you. It felt really, really good…

If you get the chance today – encourage the Creatives in your life. They need it more than you’ll ever know. It’s not easy being them. Their mind is always at battle with their ability. They need your affirming words.

♥️

January reads…

I had a lot of fun in 2018 – the Year of Reading. I read a variety of genres and soared through books each month.

But this year – I’m taking it easy. I’m simply reading when I have an opening for it. People who read 200 books a year… I don’t know how they do it. It really boils down to the fact that when I’m reading, I’m NOT doing other things I also enjoy in my spare time. So 2019 will be a much more relaxed reading year.

That said, I was able to read three books in January:

I have talked about Becoming, an intriguing behind-the-scenes look at Michelle’s early life as well as the progress toward and during the White House.

I have not talked about Reese Witherspoon’s book. I don’t want to spend a lot of time on it but my overall impression was that it was a bit of a ‘throw away’ book. I was raised by a strong Southern woman so the subject was not foreign to me. But the recipes and traditions seemed rather prosaic. The writing style was saccharine and too over-the-top. I love Reese as an actor and admire her work as a producer and an advocate for women. Writing this book might not have been her best work.

And lastly, Harry’s Trees. What a fantastic book. It hooked me quickly and kept me on the line the whole way through. What a beautiful celebration of books and nature and great love.

To every story we bring the story of ourselves.

This book celebrated the freedom of forgiveness. The adventure of reading. The beauty of nature. The cost of holding on to self-perpetuated ‘truths’. The ripples of redemption. And as with every good story, it contained an enchanting touch of magic.

Get a book. Reading solves most things or at least assuages the heart.

I would highly recommend Harry’s Trees.

What did you read in January? Do you have a pile of books to read in February or are you letting them come to you as they will? I’m currently reading A Gentleman in Moscow and am really enjoying the storyline. I mean…how many great stories have happened within the confines of a grand hotel?!

I am forever grateful for the sheer enjoyment of being transported by books. My admiration for writers knows no bounds.

 

BECOMING by Michelle Obama

“No matter your political beliefs…” is a phrase I have come to loathe. It invariably is followed by a veiled political view.

That said, politics can be pushed aside when reading Michelle Obama’s book, Becoming.

The book gives a strong foundation from Michelle’s childhood to the breadth of work she did before ever entering the political spotlight. She and Barack were truly people who came from hard-working families and rose to the highest seat in our country.

But Michelle also dished. She seemed to understand that people want to know what it’s like to have a husband largely absent from family life. What was it like to campaign and hear all the negative things said about your husband?! How did she balance travel and kids and the transition to – and then from – the White House? She describes some of the things found in a presidential motorcade which was TOTALLY interesting to me! Things like, oh, a canon in the car! Or the blood type of the sitting president which travels with him should he ever need a blood transfusion. Whaaaa?!

I listened to this book via Audible. Michelle Obama reads it herself (which was like having her sitting in my living room telling me stories.)

I borrowed the first picture in this post from @becauseofthem because this scenario is what I imagined so often throughout the book. I would get teary-eyed and proud of America but then I would think, ‘What must it be like as a black child seeing their face for the first time in the White House?!’ It made me tear up every time I’d think about the historical moment that we witnessed as Americans together.

Easily a 5 out of 5 stars for this memoir. Michelle doesn’t disappoint when it comes to feelings and struggles she dealt with in the rise of and the creation of a spouse becoming a president and a wife becoming a First Lady.

Very interesting. Highly recommend. ……no matter your political beliefs.

POET X

“The pages of my notebook swell from all the words I’ve pressed on to them. It almost feels like the more I bruise the page, the quicker something inside me heals.”⠀

Without question, Poet X will be in my top five favorite books I’ve read this year. ⠀

I am such a fan of the performance art of spoken word. Many decades ago, my mother ‘gave readings’. The art of performing words is unique and celebratory and deeply moving. Mom was asked often to perform her pieces and I was honored to give one of them at her funeral. ⠀

Poet X is about a high school student discovering the art of slam poetry. She doesn’t seem to fit anywhere in her world but lives within the words of her journals and poetry. When describing her intelligent twin brother: “He is an award-winning bound book where I am loose and blank pages.” An English teacher convinces this quiet girl to join the poetry club. After much hesitation, she finally joins and finds not only friends and acceptance but ultimately finds her voice.

There is only one other book I would suggest people listen to the audio version over the written word – ‘Ava’s Man’ by Rick Bragg. The ‘Poet X’ is another book that is enhanced by listening to the author’s reading of it. She reads it in an almost spoken word style. It is melodious and inspiring. I can not recommend it highly enough.

“Every time I think about Amon, poems build inside me. Like I’ve been gifted a box of metaphor Legos that I stack and stack and stack. I keep waiting for someone to knock them over.”⠀

“When she asked how I was doing, the words trip and twist their ankles trying to rush out of my mouth.”⠀

This YA book will live for a very long time in my soul. It found a crack and crawled right in. It is beautiful and powerful and a must for your to-be-read list. ⠀

One final quote of personal interest. I am lovingly referred to a ‘g’ by my friends so imagine my grin at her own reference: ⠀

“X. I love this new nickname. How it’s such a small letter but still fits all of me.”